Once upon a ceiling

been so angry lately; I dont know why.
thought it could have been PMS; I mean like seriously, the past few times Ive gotten it, my PMS always act up and my mood swings were really, REALLY bad.
but then, it was not. so what caused it?

it was weird how I get SO ANGRY at the very littlest of things.
at home, at work, outside. with families be it my parents or my siblings, my close friends, my collegues, strangers.... and sadly even my kids.

Its not like I didnt try; I did. and it wasnt easy. it was like, I wasnt myself. I get angry too easily and too often and its not even those teeny bits of anger but at times, almost a full rage mode. it became so bad that i began to fear myself. I didnt know what could trigger, I dont know when it'll trigger and Im almost afraid the possibilities I could do in times of "rage".
By far, Alhamdullilah. I still see light and I can control what I'll do. Cant say the same for my voice unfortunately. It just goes loud beyond any reason that I was so shocked myself  by how loud I sound the other day.

I concluded though, it mustve been that Im really TIRED these days. so many things on my mind. so many things to do but so soooo little time. and rest.

So anyway, tried to kept my emotions in checked today. Was almost angry the whole time, so i shut my mouth. It.Was.So.Hard. the more the kids did something, the angrier I became and at the same time, the more they talk, the sadder I get. I couldnt even open my mouth to answer and my heart was torn between two. I was on more on the verge of crying though. I FELT SO BAD I FELT THAT WAY. and to kids! :(((((( but I was scared. really I was :(((((

you know, its really weird how much I love these children. for all of them, Ive taught them when they were four. now halfs of them are six and the other half is five. they gave me migrains and heartaches as well as voice breaking EVERY SINGLE DAY. not to mention, some of them can increase your heartbeat range to triple its times and made you mad by all means that you dont even imagine off.

I think about them when they are there and when they are not. When I go "shopping", when I go getaways, when I do grocery "shopping", and all other sorts of times. And despite everything else, at the end of the day, I love them and they'll always be my kids no matter what. all those worries, and sadness and happiness...is that how a mum feels?

anway enjoy it and come back soon ok
mwah xoxoxoxox