you know those moments....

Assalamualaikum!

let me rant just a little today.
a rant because im anxious and a little scared. a little nervous and a little irritated.
no. actually A LOT SCARED (pardon my english)

i mean like seriously. I ALWAYS get myself tied in this kind of position leaving me feel so soooo bad. as a friend. because you know. i never fall for friends. not easy. no can do.

so this is the third time i stuck in this infruriating moment again. the part where i say NO to and then ended up awkward and bad and... i dont know. PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY GIRLS ARE EASILY SWAYED BUT WHY WHYYYYY IS IT THAT GUYS ARE THE ONES WHO FALL IN LOVE TOO EASILY?! 😭😫

I hate that feeling when you have to be on your toes all the time, terrified, wondering if the person really is going to come WITH THEIR PARENTS to ask for a hand in marriage.
coming by themselves is already scary itself. whats more with their mum and dad pffft.
Dont ask me why Im scared. I just am.
Maybe Im not ready for marriage that is why
Or maybe i just know they are not the one.
Or maybe i really am just scared. zzzz
so now how brown cow?

Im sorry. I know its bad of me to avoid your calls or mesaages. BUT. Ive already made myself clear earlier. AND Ive already told you not to put your hopes up TOO HIGH. Im avoiding to say anything because I JUST.DONT. WANT. TO. PUT. UP. ANYMORE. HOPES.
..... that is of I did give you hope earlier on
though I dont think i did. hmmmmm
that is exactly the reasons why I hate to make friends with guys.
unless if i know you online. and I know you wont ever come Singapore. and that we'll never meet nor even think of having relationship. lolol

... but well yea.
so perhaps. I HOPE. this time. it really is a goodbye. even to being friends seeing that you cant accept me as just a friend.  im sorry. really I am.

no. Im not trying to be all proud or snobbish or stuck up or anything.
Im saying this is because. I am terrified. Really. I am.
And you pressing on about marriage is just. I dont know. Making me REALLY pressurized.

I know you wont read this anyway pffft.
But yea. A rant. Just a rant

yep. A rant